Fear

We wonder, question, and look back. Why?

Why is it so hard to be real, and just enjoy the moment. I was once told that when the body's organs are not "100%" up to pare the body will try to protect it self by developing fat around the weak area as a protection. That's what we do with our hearts. We grow fat around our heart so we can protect it from the world. Depending on at which stage in life we are ready to loose the fat, will determine how far back we look, how much we wonder, and how many questions we ask.

I was once told to stop looking for acceptance from others. What that person didn't know, or understand, was that I didn't know how to stop. That was how I protected myself, my heart. I was once told to let go, and so I did.........

Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth

Truth

When I got on the train today, I thought about how many people were running late for work. Who would rush into work, and who would lie about what happened before they got to work. I started looking into the eyes of my train mates and started wondering. What is her story, what is his; and if I asked them, would they tell me the truth or would it be their embellished account of what happened.

We look at our lives and we pick apart all the things we did wrong. We look at what was done wrong to us, or we try to explain what our true measure of success is. Why?

Embellishment, makes us feel better. If our mate leaves us we tell a story, mainly to get us through the pain. If a parent decides to live a different life outside of us, or have a different lifestyle we will tell ourselves stories to get us through the pain.

We tell stories to get us through the pain, but are the stories real? Or are these stories a depiction of how we feel it should have happen; what should have been. Our stories get us the attention we desire, the love we need, and the ease we are looking for, for the pain in our heart to go away.

The Guy in the Glass

by Dale Wimbrow, (c) 1934

When you get what you want in your struggle for pelf,

And the world makes you King for a day,

Then go to the mirror and look at yourself,

And see what that guy has to say.

For it isn't your Father, or Mother, or Wife,

Who judgement upon you must pass.

The feller whose verdict counts most in your life

Is the guy staring back from the glass.

He's the feller to please, never mind all the rest,

For he's with you clear up to the end,

And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test

If the guy in the glass is your friend.

You may be like Jack Horner and "chisel" a plum,

And think you're a wonderful guy,

But the man in the glass says you're only a bum

If you can't look him straight in the eye.

You can fool the whole world down the pathway of years,

And get pats on the back as you pass,

But your final reward will be heartaches and tears

If you've cheated the guy in the glass.

Honesty

The hardest thing do, is to stand in front of a mirror, naked, and like what you see!

The scariest thing to do, is to close your eyes and and fly blind.

Everyone remembers the day after, I remember the day before. I went to church that morning so excited because I was getting baptized. I had on a white robe, no shoes and a towel. I was told that when I entered into the water, the old person would stay there and the new one would emerge. They had won me over, I couldn't wait! By noon it was done, and by 1 we were on our way back home for Sunday dinner. Everyone was so happy for me, I was excited and I felt good about myself. I went to bed that night, with a smile on my face. I felt so close to God. So close I swore he kissed me that night. When I got up the next morning I looked for the prettiest skirt I had. I put it on with my best initial sweater; it was so cute it was cream with blue writing "NDT" with the T in the middle being the largest. I looked like the perfect Catholic school girl, even though by now I was in public school. I went to school, very different that day. I smiled all day, sat perfectly in my chair, listen to my instruction, and walked to my sitter's house with my friends. Life was perfect until the day after. It was the day after that changed my life forever. It was the day after that made me so mad at God, but more importantly, it was the day after that we split into two.
I question that day. I had always asked myself why, even though, no matter how bad it was, I didn't know didn't know if it change my life for good or for bad......all I know....it changed me!

insert from the upcoming book......
Nelson Mandela once quoted:
'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so
that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other
people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.'

Writing has been a life long dream of mine. I am birthing this baby!