The Final Count Down!

Someone asked me why I felt like I had to be so strong.  Why I acted like I wasn't hurt when I was, or why was it so hard for me to be vulnerable.  When my innocents was taking away from me my vulnerability went with it, and my trust issues were created.   As long as I stayed strong I felt safe, secure and in control.  It was only when I felt vulnerable I felt uneasy.  Being vulnerable can bring on judgement by self and other's, and feeling exposed.  As a child I was sweet innocent and in love with life.  I saw no wrong, no color, and never thought bad of people.  I was a very happy kid, a loving kid, who dreamed a lot.  I dreamed of having a family three kids of my own and adopt three kids, a big house, loving husband, and a great job.  I wanted there to always be laughter in my home.  I laughed a lot.  I laughed so much I think I got on my parents nerves.  I laughed until the day my innocents was taken.  I blame that day on not being strong. I blame that day on all the insecurities I had hidden, all the pain I covered up.  I blame that day on God.  I was confused after that day.  I was hurt after that day, and I was angry after that day.  I developed mistrust, paranoia, and a unhealthy sense of control.  My control paralyzed me and didn't allow me to enjoy life to it's fullest.

At the beginning of this year I made a decision I was going to step outside my comfort zone so I could grow.  This I have done, and continue to do.  I will share something with you, I'm afraid to be vulnerable because I'm afraid of being taking advantage of again.  Few people have seen me so open, so vulnerable.  Now that I am in love I'm scared and I'm happy at the same time.  Now that I'm living I'm happy and I'm afraid, but It feels so great!  I love growing, changing, and winning small battles along the way.  My step backs have been my blessings!

My take away for today- Change your mind, thoughts, and patterns, you change your life.  Life begins at the end of your comfort zone!  You have choices stay in control, be vulnerable and make peace with your past, it's history!

xoxo The Mentalist  

That Deceitful Monkey!

WOW it's been a week since I've shared my thoughts!  A lot has gone on but I've pushed through it and feel good at facing yet another fear.  I've always been afraid of confrontation.  I dislike arguing and I dislike drama, but I always found myself in the middle of both a argument and some type of drama.  It would drain the mess out of me and I would turn inward.  I would internalize a lot, to the point where I became paralyzed, resentful, and angry.  I've come to realize that what I have tried to avoid is what contributes to what I don't want in my life.  One of the biggest lesson's I've learned is to confront your issues, concerns etc head on; That what we try to avoid is what we most attract.  I hear guys especially talk about how they don't "do drama" but yet they can be deceitful.  Deception brings on dishonesty, untruthfulness, and insecurities.  Deceitful people are disingenuous, which is why they expect everyone else to be the same way they are.  More importantly deception brings on drama but allows you to point the finger at someone else instead of looking at yourself.  Sneaky huh, yep it is, but that's the heart of deception.
This brings me to confrontation, what I've realized is that without meaning to when I wanted to confront a issue but didn't I was being deceitful, not on purpose but in reality my actions of "everything is ok" when really it wasn't was deceitful behavior which brought on the very thing I tried to avoid, drama, arguing, and hurt feelings.  For the first time in my life, I looked that deceitful monkey in it's face and confronted the issues on the table.  No drama, no arguing, but a resolution.  Good, bad, or indifferent once we confront the monkey on our back we then take charge and can let it go.  Although I can't control anyone else's deceptive ways I can control my own.  Some behaviors are done on purpose and others by nature of fight or flight, but all are rooted in the garden of deceit and will need to be uprooted in your own garden before trying to uproot in someone else's.

My take away is this: Before you look at someone else's deceitful ways, look at your own, we all have them.  Sometimes we don't mean to be deceitful but we are.  Look at what you are doing or what you have done to contribute to the situation of "deceitful drama."  What's has your contribution been? Then look at how you can correct/change this behavior,

Ask yourself  "How have I been deceitful to others?"

xoxoThe Mentalist

Outside the Zone!

There comes a point in life when you have to stop blaming other's for our downfalls and start thanking God for his mysterious plan.  God's plan isn't our plan, and as much as we would like to control his plan he puts us in our place every time we try.

In difficult times we come together and unite, set a plan of action, then implement that plan.  Ultimately we're doing his work, work that might not of been done had we not been taken outside our zone.

Comfort Zones paralyze us, and stunt our growth.  God knows this, and at times I believe he takes us outside the zone to help us grow.  I remember being taken outside of my comfort zone and being angry at first.  It was the most uncomfortable feeling, I felt vulnerable, and helpless.  It was while in the valley of vulnerability that I heard God's voice and his plan for my life.  It was during that time I was given my company's name, book ideas, plan of action, and the population I would serve.  It was also during that time I found my real strength and learned I could only control the energy I put in the world; I had no control of anyone elses.  I stop blaming others for my or the worlds failed mistakes and I learned that even in failure there's a victory!

Really, when you blame others for life's uncontrollable circumstances, what you're really are saying is it's your fault I'm growing, it's your fault I'm making changing, and it's your fault God is using my talents for his good!

My take away for today it this- when you are forced to step outside your comfort zone, embrace it cause it's all apart of God's perfect plan for our imperfect life! Be Vulnerable Be free!

xoxo The Mentalist

Joshua's Happy Song

Sunday I took my son to the movies to see Troll's.  It was so cute, funny, and had a great message about choosing to be happy.  Yesterday my nephew entered into a new chapter in his life, one that his mom has fought for, for a while.  My nephew started a new school, one that would help him improve his educational experience.  As he prepared to enter this new journey he set his own alarm clock, got himself dressed, woke my sister up, and was ready for his 6am bus without anyone's assistance.  Why is this so important you say, because prior to this change my nephew fought my sister to go to school, hated school, and had mentally and physically shut down.

The struggle was real, but this day HE CHOSE TO BE HAPPY!

This made me think of the movie Trolls, in it Poppy, the main character, talks about choosing to be happy and if you want to find happiness you have to look within.  Happiness is a feeling that we already have inside of us.  

How many times have you been in a miserable situation for so long that you've just mentally shut down?  Physically stopped trying?  We have to fight for our dreams, fight to improve the quality of our experiences, and fight to change, but first we have to identify the source of our unhappiness and take the steps to change it.  

We are the keeper of our own energy, our own happiness, our own breakthroughs, our own destiny.  You don't like it change it, you can't figure out how-ask, you don't trust anyone- look at your own behavior, you're mad-forgive, you're hurt-heal, you're in pain- take the band-aid off  and breathe again!  It all starts once you make up your mind.  Once the mind shuts down everything else follows.  So to change your environment you have to change your perspective then fight for what is already inside of you...HAPPINESS!

My take away- WE ALL HAVE CHOICES IN LIFE-CHOOSE HAPPINESS OVER EVERYTHING ELSE!

xoxo The Mentalist

Vitamin C for your Soul!

So the other day I went to get a facial.  She asked me what had I been doing to have so many breakouts....hummmmm stressing, growing, rebuilding, and practicing bad habits again.  We talked for a while then she started her treatments.  She shared with me she was putting a Vitamin C serum on under my face mask to help the healing process with the scare tissue.  As I laid on the table being pampered it got me thinking.....

No matter how many masks we wear to hide or cover up the scars, we ultimately need something to help us heal while wearing our masks. Our scars eventually show, through our hurt, pain, mistrust, and bad behavior.  Our scars become overwhelming at times because we can no longer hide them.  Our scars also show through our interactions with others.  Even as we wear our masks proudly we still need to start to apply a "SERUM" to heal.

As hard as I've worked to hide my scars I have worked equally as hard to heal them.  I actually think I've gotten to a place of healing.  I am happier today then I've ever been and, although the healing process can be lonely, my masks are being pealed away.  The glow is starting to show and the "fresh skin" is gleaming from within.  Some say I'm different and they're right I am, when God healed me he created a better version of ME!

It's not until we apply Vitamin C under our masks in preparation to take the mask off that we can start to create the best possible version of ourselves.

My take away- Change is never easy.... but you can work with it!  Create a version of you that includes all of you, put more life into yourself by healing even while still wearing your mask!

xoxo The Mentalist

The Power of Awareness

Are you aware of who's in your circle?  Are you aware of who you share your dreams with, your vision?   We struggle daily because of the energy we allow in our space.  I had to look at my own life and wonder why a time or two.  The answer was simple, because I allowed it...welcomed it, and feed it.  I allowed negative energy in my space because I cared too deeply, loved beyond expiration dates, valued them and their opinions too high, and absorbed their energy too long!  I once made their issues my issues, I placed people in seats they did not earn, because of my own insecurities!  I've decided that NO ONE gets a pass anymore, just because we've been friends for 80 years, family by blood or love, co-workers, team mates or folks that were just passing by.  Bad energy is bad energy!  You will sit on the row you have earned and I will love you from there!  My love wont change just your placement in my life. 

My take away....We are in control of the energy we allow in our space!

xoxo The Mentalist

Re-Branding Aint Easy!

Have you ever been on the treadmill and thought you wouldn't make it through the last minute of your workout?  Have you ever wanted to give up right before you finish?  Have you ever had to talk yourself through the last min?  Here it is you've been on the treadmill for 59 mins, pushed your way through the pain, sweat dripping down your face, legs about to give up burning from  the fire you've created with the intensity of your will to keep going only for your last min to seems like the longest min of your life! That's how change is I've realized.  The first 59 mins is the easy part it's the last min that counts....I've always wondered why!

I started this blog 7 years ago, and as I reread it, I realize how much PAIN I was in.  Over the past 7 years I've done a lot of work to rebuild, restore and regain a sense of self.  One may say "I cleaned house".  The end results have been a happy, more focused person who still faces challenges but now has the strength to get through these challenges.  I've also discovered why the last min is the most important min of your workout.  It's in the last min that you challenge your will, will to push through, will to face the pain square up in the face and not be bothered, will to dig deeper and know with out a shadow of a doubt you can get through this and make it to the victory line.  It's in that last min that you gain your power, your strength, your will to not care, your will to SUCCEED!  It's in that last min that you can see what you've been working so hard for; just if you finish.

This is my last min.  My emotional workout has been a rewarding journey cause in it I've unmasked my pain and found my story.  I challenge you to walk in your story and find your glory!  What will you do in the last min of your workout.....go harder or give up and quick before reaching the end!

My take away.... The Mentalist.  

Take Care

xoxo Necole