The Final Count Down!

Someone asked me why I felt like I had to be so strong.  Why I acted like I wasn't hurt when I was, or why was it so hard for me to be vulnerable.  When my innocents was taking away from me my vulnerability went with it, and my trust issues were created.   As long as I stayed strong I felt safe, secure and in control.  It was only when I felt vulnerable I felt uneasy.  Being vulnerable can bring on judgement by self and other's, and feeling exposed.  As a child I was sweet innocent and in love with life.  I saw no wrong, no color, and never thought bad of people.  I was a very happy kid, a loving kid, who dreamed a lot.  I dreamed of having a family three kids of my own and adopt three kids, a big house, loving husband, and a great job.  I wanted there to always be laughter in my home.  I laughed a lot.  I laughed so much I think I got on my parents nerves.  I laughed until the day my innocents was taken.  I blame that day on not being strong. I blame that day on all the insecurities I had hidden, all the pain I covered up.  I blame that day on God.  I was confused after that day.  I was hurt after that day, and I was angry after that day.  I developed mistrust, paranoia, and a unhealthy sense of control.  My control paralyzed me and didn't allow me to enjoy life to it's fullest.

At the beginning of this year I made a decision I was going to step outside my comfort zone so I could grow.  This I have done, and continue to do.  I will share something with you, I'm afraid to be vulnerable because I'm afraid of being taking advantage of again.  Few people have seen me so open, so vulnerable.  Now that I am in love I'm scared and I'm happy at the same time.  Now that I'm living I'm happy and I'm afraid, but It feels so great!  I love growing, changing, and winning small battles along the way.  My step backs have been my blessings!

My take away for today- Change your mind, thoughts, and patterns, you change your life.  Life begins at the end of your comfort zone!  You have choices stay in control, be vulnerable and make peace with your past, it's history!

xoxo The Mentalist